Kayden Anderson

Anyone who knows me, knows how shy i am, especially growing up. I was debilitatingly shy and anxious. I’m not kidding. if someone said hello to me, i would freeze and become physically incapable of forming words. even now, if you were to ask someone i graduated with who the quietest person in class was, it was me.

Now that i’ve established my credibility as a shy girl, let’s talk about my tips and tricks to socializing. not that i’m an expert. clearly.

First and foremost, give yourself grace. As an anxious person, you’re always going to overthink every move you make way more than anyone else. no one is still thinking about the tone of your voice when you said “how are you?” or whether you smiled too big or shook their hand too long. you’re human and no one is going to recall whether your zipper was down or you had lipstick on your teeth 10 years from now.

second, do things outside of your comfort zone. i used to hate when people told me this. It immediately made me feel violently ill, or at least just violent, but after accomplishing things i never thought possible as a shy girl, it’s the truth. Baby steps outside of your comfort zone will lead you to new heights and new people.

Most importantly, know your limits and express your boundaries. Everyone who has lived with me, knows i need quiet time. i need time to decompress after talking to people all day, and i don’t speak for an hour after i wake up. i go out sometimes, but i won’t every weekend. my door is always open, except for when it’s not. it’s okay to have boundaries, and it’s okay to tell people “hey, i just really need to rest tonight.” true friends will understand and never make you feel bad. In fact, i believe that when you’re up front about who you are and how you work, people respect that. i’ve never had anyone make me feel bad for needing alone time. if they have, they ended up not being a true friend anyways.

once you realize that you are who determines your confidence, you will be unstoppable. no one else has to know that i’m internally shaking with nerves. i raise my head high, drop my shoulders back and speak clearly. no one else determines how i view myself but me. being shy doesn’t have to be a negative attribute. introverted people also make inclusive, observant and open-minded leaders. i don’t feel weighed down by my silence anymore. it’s just a part of me and that’s okay.

i didn’t title this post “the shy girl’s guide to becoming social” or “the shy girl’s guide to not being shy anymore.” don’t change who you are but embrace it. shyness is a superpower.

also, wish me luck, fellow shy girls. i’m speaking in front of 4,000 people this weekend!

keep living the dream,

Kayden